and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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