if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
