I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
