He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
