hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
