no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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