i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
