Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
