You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
