I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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