Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
