roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
