Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
