I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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