Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
