WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
