I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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