I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
