it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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