Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
North Korea, Best Korea!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
