So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
