The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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