Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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