Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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