listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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