i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize