Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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