Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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