Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
