There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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