My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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