Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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