im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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