im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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