Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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