sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
