Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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