until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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