so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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