If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
