U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
