is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
