when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
