Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
