she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize