Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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