I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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