We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
