Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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