Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize