I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
