that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
