i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
