Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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