I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
