My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
