Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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