I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
