dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
