i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
