you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
