Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
