yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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