Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
